He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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