Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
