I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am mentally ready for anal.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
