i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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