I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
