Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
