is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
