Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think your dad took our porno
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
