i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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