my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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