the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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