I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
