belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Ambien. No doubt about it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
