planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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