the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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