if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he puts the penis in happiness.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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