i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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