He felt like a one man threesome
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
