he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
