2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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