I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
