if you like me you must not know who I am
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
