You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
