I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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