Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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