Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I see more hoeing in ur future
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