don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
