I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
