Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
