Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
