Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My dick has a subreddit
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
