I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize