i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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