My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
