I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
