he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
