i think i have two assholes
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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