Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
