he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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