here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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