Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize