Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
