Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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