im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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