I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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