My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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