If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
