grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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