I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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