I hope mine doesn't look like that
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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