Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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