Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
