I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
