OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
