I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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