You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
