Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
