hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
