you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
