I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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