nut hugger
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
