I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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