you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
