She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
