Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
