he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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