there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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