very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had sex on a roof
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
