Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
