It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
